I missed a week! Family was visiting, things got hectic. So I'm seizing this opportunity to use the blog as an example of bringing compassion to ourselves when we stumble in the pursuit of goal.
We inevitably have setbacks when practicing things we are not already good at, or when building new habits. One of the hardest parts of change is being willing to show ourselves compassion while continuing to strive. How do we respond when we feel that we've let ourselves down, on small things or big ones? These moments are good opportunities to observe our own habits.
Notice the way you talk to yourself when you feel you've made a mistake. Do you fly into a flurry of self-recrimination? Do you over-achieve to make up for errors, setting unattainable tasks that end up that pushing you further from your original plans? Do you distract yourself to avoid the feelings? Do you start apologizing to everyone, letting down healthy boundaries? Or do you become more critical of others, turning ill-feeling outward? Do you hide?
Every time we observe our own habits, we can gain insight into our deepest values, fears, and motivations. We can also see if our behaviors are helping us reach our goals.
For example, when I realized I'd missed my weekly entry, first I thought, I'll make two entries to make up for it. Then I started procrastinating, avoiding the feeling of failure, and the resulting challenge I'd given myself. Then I took a moment to reflect and realized that my actions were coming from a place of shame, which didn't leave me feeling good about the project or myself.
What happens when I remember that this project is about connecting compassionately with myself and others? My perspective shifts, and I see new opportunities for action that I hadn't considered before. Instead of hiding from what felt like an error, I realize that talking about mistakes is a wonderful opportunity for real connection. We all stumble. These are precisely the moments when we lean into resources (the general theme of this blog), internal and external, to keep going on the paths we want to walk. When we pause to take a breath, to talk with a friend, or meditate, or take a walk, we can make a little space for compassion. What felt like a loss becomes a part of the process.
When we allow ourselves to make mistakes, we are freed from fear of failure. Instead we find moments of great learning, even in the most unlikely corners. The more we practice this process, the better we get at it.
Along these lines, I offer one of my favorite poems, by Mary Oliver. For me, this is a reminder to let go of perfectionism and invite compassion in its place. And so I offer that to you. You are enough. Keep going.
"WILD GEESE"
by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.